I found this pic on Facebook recently and it really rang true for me. When I was expecting and planning for our beautiful bundle of joy I imagined teaching him to sit/talk, doing crafts with him, watching him grow and learn new things and basically knowing by instinct what being a mom is all about.
What I wasn’t expecting was the monotony, the same routine day in and day out, the large amount of nappies I would be changing and washing, the forever feeling of tiredness and mostly the cleaning/washing that builds up and then finally gets done only for it to take a few hours to be at a some what critical level again.
Now please don’t get me wrong I love this little man and am enjoying all his milestones and it was me who chose to use cloth nappies and homemade wipes. But dammit I feel like a stuck record lately… Walking round the house thinking “didn’t I just do this yesterday, or was it last week?”
It’s frustrating and annoying. I love being busy and I always thought when I had children I could keep up with my own fun activities (I am a baking, crafting, sewing, creative loving wannabe) and still be a fun, cool kid focused mom. By alas so far that has not wrung true for me at all. I find my days merging into one another and by the time the weekend rolls in I can’t believe a week has passed me by and I haven’t done any of the things i wanted too or even left the house (I am ashamed to say sometimes I haven’t even changed the track suit pants I have been wearing all week… Baby boy is just gonna throw up/pee on the clean pair anyway!)
The saddest part of this monotony is I sometimes don’t feel like I spend enough time teaching Billy what he needs to know to progress, learn and develop as he should. I feel guilty almost everyday that maybe I should have spent more time talking to him or doing tummy time… I blame the internet for this, there are so many articles and advice on what you should do to give your baby/kids the best start they can have and now I compare myself to all those creative, perfect mums who think up all these cool things and do so many wonderful things with their kids! I kick myself and then try do some interacting with him but don’t know what I am doing so feel stupid and inadequate, I then put him to sleep and look round my house and kick myself for not using my time better and cleaning/cooking/fixing.
So does my never ending story end? Who knows, but hopefully as our babies become toddlers and our toddlers become children I can at least add a few more variations to the days and build on my knowledge! I guess that’s the best I can do for now 🙂